I Write at 2am

My internal clock is out of whack. Since the holidays, the sun has begun to rise and the birds have commenced their incessant chirping before my tired head has even hit the pillow. Even then I only sleep due to sheer exhaustion. In the daytime I rise reluctantly and zombie-like from fitful 4-hour slumbers… I must find a better way.

These past few days my feelings have been flitting between inner turmoil, quiet contentment, resignation, mild despair, acceptance, resentment, confusion, motivation, lack of motivation, excitement, disappointment, and generally feeling like crap. There must be a pill to fix that.

But the main thread of my tumultuous thinking is that I am feeling the squeeze of time. Counting down the days when I have to return to the “real” world and my life as a working mother. There is so much yet that I want to accomplish. So much to do, so little time…

I’ll admit it — I love being a stay at home mom. I relish the chance to spend as much quality time as I can with my kids. But reality has been slowly sinking in that soon I will have to return to the rat race once I finish this MA. There REALLY has to be a better way.

My goal for 2012 is to somehow crack the elusive work-life balance for my family. I have a slew of plans bouncing around in my head — little plots of how to take over the world  combine being a mom and having a career I absolutely love (because life is too short to do something you hate just for the money).

I suppose the next step will be to implement my strategies on how to achieve my goals. So much easier said than done.

In the meantime, I guess I better grab some sleep before the damn birds start up again.

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3 thoughts on “I Write at 2am

  1. omg!!i wrote a big long comment on this yest from my blackberry, but it hasnt posted! feck it!! lol 🙂

    k well firstly i was saying, lack of sleep will mess with ur emotions and have u feeling mildly depressed at best of times. try some nytol! its an otc tablet, herbal, ya can get it in tesco or pharmacies, its great though. i find it very helpful when i cant sleep.

    secondly, with your ma you can get a perfect PART TIME job that you love, and that will fulfill your life balance perfectly. you ll look forward to a break from the kids for a couple of hours while you WRITE AND GET PAID TO WRITE.

    its 2012, its the year to make our dreams come true. and they will. all you have to do is have faith in urself. u can make ANYTHING happen. BELIEVE!!

    and try to get some sleep! you’ll feel much better!! xxx

  2. “Counting down the days when I have to return to the “real” world and my life as a working mother. There is so much yet that I want to accomplish. So much to do, so little time…”

    And what about if you were already in the real world? And what about if the time was just a stupid invention we made to rush and feel under pressure? I’m sure we can live with “our feet on the ground” (…not sure if it sounds funny, sorry for my English!), with responsibility but at the same time also doing one step after the other to follow our dreams and be happy together with the people we love. There is always a way when you love the people around you and the life.

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