11 Things That Grind My Gears

I might not LOOK like I have three kids but I sure FEEL like I do!

1.  People who say to me, “You don’t look like you have THREE kids?!”  Really? Well what should a woman with three kids look like then? Enlighten me. I guess I’m supposed to look haggard or like I’ve gotten too friendly with my pals, Ben & Jerry? Here’s a recent example:

Standing in line at the checkout in the supermarket yesterday. Newborn baby in pram at the opposite checkout starts wailing inconsolably. I shake my head sympathetically and say “Oh I remember those days” to which the checkout lady practically shrieks “You’ve had a baby?!” I smile sweetly and say “I’ve had three…” and was immediately met by the audible gasps of not only the checkout lady but every customer within earshot. Right. Took my groceries and got the hell out.

The youngest mother on record was 5 years old. Keep that in mind.

2.  People who say, “You don’t look old enough to have kids!”  Seriously now? So, what, I can’t even pass for 15 nowadays?  Clearly someone has never watched Teen Mom.

So sorry the education system failed you...

3.  People who can’t spell. Oh. My. God. Now I’m no grammar Nazi and I am undoubtedly guilty of forgetting to spell check once or twice but for crying out loud! Facebook status updates are the bane of my existence! The thing that gets me riled up the most is the misspelling of simple words. “Themselfs” is a real winner.

"Oh hey girl! It's been sooo long!" (Not long enough)

 4.  When you are in town (or other random public place) and you see someone you know who you haven’t seen in a while and you don’t know how to react so you pretend that you didn’t see them because you aren’t sure if they saw you and if they did see you and are ignoring you, you don’t want to look the fool by going up to them and saying hi just in case they really didn’t see you or are actually trying to avoid you. So you walk away pretending not to see them and are left wondering if they did see you but were pretending not to and probably now think you are a bitch for not saying anything at all. Yeah. Happens to me ALL the time.

345... repeat after me. 345...

5.  People who say this:

“What part of America are you from?”

“The part called the Cayman Islands.”

“Oh um, ok, it’s just that your accent sounds so… so…”

“American? No it don’t, you na been payin’ attention awa?”

Because high voltage electricity is really bad for your health. And life.

6.  The one idiot who always insists on making a mad dash for the tube/train just as the doors are closing and either gets some appendage trapped or makes the doors reopen, thereby delaying my journey. You could fall onto the rails, genius. And then you’d be dead and the train will still leave your ass.  Just so you know.

First world problems...

7.  When my favourite food/snack/toiletry runs out at the store the one time I actually manage to make it there after weeks of daydreaming about it. Why??????? Didn’t they know I was coming?!

Get 'em Blade! Muhahaha

 8.  People who freak out over movie spoilers (you know who you are)… I mean is it really the end of the world if you find out that Edward and Bella’s little tot eventually turns out to be… **********… ooops. Ah yes, well nevermind.

And I was so sure green was my colour.

9.  People who ask me, “Is that your real hair?” No. I went out and bought this frizz-fest in a shop. On purpose.

That's what I say.

10.  People who say “Are you going to have any more kids?” or “You’re done now, right?” Well that’s between me and my uterus, thankyouverymuch.

If only it really worked.

11.  Sticky labels that don’t come off. Ever. You know the ones – you pick, peel, and scratch your fingernails to stubs just trying to get a piece off but can only manage to tear out one unsightly section so you go get the baby oil/washing liquid/WD-40 and douse and rub until the paper and glue become one big gooey mess only to wipe it off and find that it is still completely sticky underneath! Sigh.

So tell me: what are YOUR pet peeves?

Oh, for all my friends who find that they have said any of the above comments to me (or are terrible spellers), it’s cool. I still love you.  This is only directed toward ignorant strangers. And as for not being American – my hubby is American, my sisters are American, my kids are American by association, I spent one year of Kindergarten and two years of college in America. I freakin’ love America. I’m just not from there. That is all.

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13 thoughts on “11 Things That Grind My Gears

  1. I so get the hair thing. Is it a rule of thumb to ask any girl of colour with a significant amount of hair on their head, if they bought it? Like thats not offensive!

    The sticky label on the bottom of the shoe winds me up also. You pick and pick and pick until you decide to leave it. You wear them out, then someone points out how much they hate labels on the bottom of peoples shoes… and you feel like using their tongue to rub off the remainder!

    What really gripes me is people who subject you to every intricate detail of their relationship and expect you to comment (in a positive way) after they’ve spent 2 hours subjecting you to the most boring conversation you will have in your lifetime. i.e. ‘yesterday David made me a cup of tea, how sweet is that, don’t you think David is so nice? Oh and last week he bought me a cookie from Milly’s Cookies that said I love, don’t you think he’s so lovely.’ David said he wants me to leave some clothes at his so I don’t have to rush back home… ‘ and so on. This really riles me as I am in the wedding Hair and Make up industry so am burdened with this at least twice a week. ( Don’t get me wrong, I love my job just wish the conversations were a little less self indulged.)

    Last but not least the people who have to compare their children with yours. I know we should all love and admire our children, but whats up with competitive mum syndrome? So your 2 year old can run as fast as ‘Bolt’… Why can’t these people enjoy their children humbly without having to make my child feel like she needs to run around the block competing with YOU, not your child (as your child is probably unaware of his amazing talent because your brash ways are overshadowing them! ) but YOU.

    Everything else I love!

    • Lol, that is a great list! I totally agree! And the thing about competitive mum syndrome, omg yes! Can’t we all just accept that our kids are all special and awesome in their own way? Thanks for stopping by! (loooove your blog btw)

      • Awww thanks hun, I saw your comment and only figured how to reply today! Not so tech savvy. I’ve read a few of your posts, they are hilarious. Glad I’m following you. p.s. I just made sure I typed every word correctly, before pressing comment hehe xx

      • Lmao! I hope I haven’t given everyone a complex about their spelling now! No worries, I’m no techie either. Oooh that reminds me I wanted to ask for your advice on make-up (of course, lol). I shall drop you a line via FB. x

  2. Hahaha – awesome! I have a huge problem with people who say (or type) the word “anywho”. It drives me nuts. And now I am cringing, and hoping you are not one of those people…
    I am glad you don’t hate me because I am an awful speller. Honestly, I spell check everything and I always leave a tab open to type in words that even have a slight whiff of being spelled wrong. I wish with all my heart that these comment boxes had spell check built in. 🙂
    Oh, and I totally hate sticky labels too!

    • Fear not, you are exempt from my spelling rant, lol. I’m mainly referring to some people I’ve seen on Facebook who blatantly misspell words that even second graders can spell correctly. It isn’t cute, it just makes them look dumb. 🙂

  3. Before baby, I hated being late. Now, I just don’t care. Other than (almost wrote then) that, I mostly have first world problems. Too many that I can’t even think of any specific ones right now. Great post btw 🙂 made me laugh.

    • Lol, I’m never on time for anything now that I have kids. Will probably be late for my own funeral… Thanks for stopping by! Gotta love first world problems. 🙂

  4. Oh my goodness, if I had a quarter for every time and place I was asked “You have three kids?!?” It means 1. you look good for your age, or 2. you look smokin’!
    I used to love to take my three sons out to nice restaurants so they could learn how to behave in one… Every waiter would come up to me and say this line, “Looks like you have your hands full.” I finally found the best of replies, “Yes, they sure do have their hands full, but just wait until I see your wine list!”
    Nice Post Chica

  5. soooooo glad you put the bit bout your friends in at the bottom, cos im sure ive asked you about having more kids, your hair, and probably said you didn’t look like you had three kids hahahahahHAAAAAAAA!!

    but seriously…the youngest mum recorded was 5…that cant be true…i mean seriously??

    • Yes its sad but very true. She was only 5. It was many years ago in some south or central american country and she was raped. Google it. 😦

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