11 Things That Grind My Gears

I might not LOOK like I have three kids but I sure FEEL like I do!

1.  People who say to me, “You don’t look like you have THREE kids?!”  Really? Well what should a woman with three kids look like then? Enlighten me. I guess I’m supposed to look haggard or like I’ve gotten too friendly with my pals, Ben & Jerry? Here’s a recent example:

Standing in line at the checkout in the supermarket yesterday. Newborn baby in pram at the opposite checkout starts wailing inconsolably. I shake my head sympathetically and say “Oh I remember those days” to which the checkout lady practically shrieks “You’ve had a baby?!” I smile sweetly and say “I’ve had three…” and was immediately met by the audible gasps of not only the checkout lady but every customer within earshot. Right. Took my groceries and got the hell out.

The youngest mother on record was 5 years old. Keep that in mind.

2.  People who say, “You don’t look old enough to have kids!”  Seriously now? So, what, I can’t even pass for 15 nowadays?  Clearly someone has never watched Teen Mom.

So sorry the education system failed you...

3.  People who can’t spell. Oh. My. God. Now I’m no grammar Nazi and I am undoubtedly guilty of forgetting to spell check once or twice but for crying out loud! Facebook status updates are the bane of my existence! The thing that gets me riled up the most is the misspelling of simple words. “Themselfs” is a real winner.

"Oh hey girl! It's been sooo long!" (Not long enough)

 4.  When you are in town (or other random public place) and you see someone you know who you haven’t seen in a while and you don’t know how to react so you pretend that you didn’t see them because you aren’t sure if they saw you and if they did see you and are ignoring you, you don’t want to look the fool by going up to them and saying hi just in case they really didn’t see you or are actually trying to avoid you. So you walk away pretending not to see them and are left wondering if they did see you but were pretending not to and probably now think you are a bitch for not saying anything at all. Yeah. Happens to me ALL the time.

345... repeat after me. 345...

5.  People who say this:

“What part of America are you from?”

“The part called the Cayman Islands.”

“Oh um, ok, it’s just that your accent sounds so… so…”

“American? No it don’t, you na been payin’ attention awa?”

Because high voltage electricity is really bad for your health. And life.

6.  The one idiot who always insists on making a mad dash for the tube/train just as the doors are closing and either gets some appendage trapped or makes the doors reopen, thereby delaying my journey. You could fall onto the rails, genius. And then you’d be dead and the train will still leave your ass.  Just so you know.

First world problems...

7.  When my favourite food/snack/toiletry runs out at the store the one time I actually manage to make it there after weeks of daydreaming about it. Why??????? Didn’t they know I was coming?!

Get 'em Blade! Muhahaha

 8.  People who freak out over movie spoilers (you know who you are)… I mean is it really the end of the world if you find out that Edward and Bella’s little tot eventually turns out to be… **********… ooops. Ah yes, well nevermind.

And I was so sure green was my colour.

9.  People who ask me, “Is that your real hair?” No. I went out and bought this frizz-fest in a shop. On purpose.

That's what I say.

10.  People who say “Are you going to have any more kids?” or “You’re done now, right?” Well that’s between me and my uterus, thankyouverymuch.

If only it really worked.

11.  Sticky labels that don’t come off. Ever. You know the ones – you pick, peel, and scratch your fingernails to stubs just trying to get a piece off but can only manage to tear out one unsightly section so you go get the baby oil/washing liquid/WD-40 and douse and rub until the paper and glue become one big gooey mess only to wipe it off and find that it is still completely sticky underneath! Sigh.

So tell me: what are YOUR pet peeves?

Oh, for all my friends who find that they have said any of the above comments to me (or are terrible spellers), it’s cool. I still love you.  This is only directed toward ignorant strangers. And as for not being American – my hubby is American, my sisters are American, my kids are American by association, I spent one year of Kindergarten and two years of college in America. I freakin’ love America. I’m just not from there. That is all.

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Gross things adults tell kids not to do (but do themselves)

 

As a mom I constantly find myself telling my kids, don’t do this/don’t do that, especially when it comes to matters of hygiene. But upon closer observation, it can be noted that adults are some of the worst offenders around! Whatever happened to practice what you preach? Oh, the hypocrisy…

1.  “Cover your mouth when you cough” – I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve seen adults hacking away on the Tube or train with no regard for the innocent bystanders they shower with their germfest.

2.  “Don’t scratch your bum – ha, you’re probably doing it right now…

3.  “Don’t pick your nose” – now we’re ALL guilty of this one, don’t deny it. Plus, it’s oddly satisfying. Boogie-eating, however, is a whole other  territory. If you know an adult who does that, get them help. Now.

4.  “Don’t burp/fart/spit, etc” – well honestly, these are just natural bodily functions – even the Queen does it! Right?

5.  “Wash your hands after you use the toilet” – it really doesn’t bear talking about but, oh yes, you only have to spend 2 minutes in a public toilet to see at least 1 person who can’t spare a few seconds to wash. With soap. And they go on their merry way happily spreading rotavirus or whatever else kind of nasties hang out in public toilets. *shudder*

6.  “Don’t bite your nails”this one is my pet peeve. Nothing irks me more than seeing a grown person (ahem, you know who you are) biting their nails. You don’t know where those hands have been… probably scratching your bum – in a public toilet!

So, you know that Bible verse about taking the plank of wood out of your own eye before taking the splinter out of someone else’s? (sounds unpleasant either way) Yeah, it definitely applies here. Lead by example right? Give the kiddies a break.

And take that finger out of your nose.